Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
