I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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