did you get engaged???
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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