She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
