That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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