i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
