guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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