I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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