Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
