i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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