it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
