just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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