Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You dont lie about slip and slides
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
