where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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