the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
They took my balls.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
