What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
