At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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