I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
