RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
