You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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