ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
