why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
