her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
