I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I checked into jail on foursquare
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
