so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
