Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
