Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
