i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
