I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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