I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
