my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
