I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
