You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
