I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
