Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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