would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
