please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
