help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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