My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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