Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Apparently you make a good broom.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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