im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
