gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
