You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
they're like a gay fantastic four
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
