Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Life is so much better after having sex.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
