the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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