Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
