he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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