The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
