i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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