piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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