He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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