My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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