a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
