ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
