haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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